On Feeling Your Feelings
Yes, even those feelings
New year. Which can mean a lot of different things. For some people it means new workout plans and new eating patterns. Maybe new intentions or a word to focus on. Maybe it’s forging a new identity, someone who lives with less clutter, or more focus on yourself. For me it means many questions: what will this next chapter look like? How do I integrate our new puppy into our lives without making my life revolve around him and his schedule? How do I find my new rhythm of work and self-care? Can I find a new rhythm?
The last few weeks of 2025 were a whirlwind. A death in my wife’s extended family, my last day at my previous job, a long-time planned trip to Disneyland, Christmas in Kansas, then Christmas in Oklahoma, and finally picking up our new puppy.
So, just a few things going on. And in the midst of that, I’m starting a coaching business, a coaching training program and a social media mentorship in the next week or two. All of which have some pre-work for, and none of which I’ve knocked out much, yet.
This all came to a head last night in the form of overwhelm. The to-do list seemed to be piling up beyond my ability to handle it, plus we have a new puppy and we had one of those afternoons with the girls where they were being kids and it felt like a lot for me.
So, this morning, I pulled up my trusty feelings pillow. I highly recommend one, and if you’re not into pillows, you can just print a feelings wheel out or save it on your phone. On my feelings wheel, overwhelm is housed under fear. And one of the tools I picked up from an emotional sobriety course I went through last fall is each feeling has an internal question(s). For fear, the internal question from Karla Mclaren’s The Language of Emotions is “what is approaching that I need to prepare for?”
But why does this matter? You might be asking yourself that, or similar questions. Well, the further I get in this sobriety/recovery/not drinking journey the more I notice my feelings. But sometimes it’s not clear exactly what emotion I am feeling, or if I do notice, I’m not always clear on what to do with that feeling. Yes, feel the feeling is important. And if that’s where you are on the journey, I encourage you to start there: feel your feelings.
What does that look like? Allow yourself to feel that feeling, whatever you’re feeling right now. Maybe you’re in a coffee shop reading this, or on your couch. A long weekend day is stretching out before you and you’re enjoying every second. That sounds a lot like contentment. Feel it.
Maybe you’re in a long line at the grocery store and opening Substack felt better than some other social media. But you have to wait in this line and then get home and make dinner and deal with kids or pets or your partner and all those things start to drive a little overwhelm or anxiety. Great, feel that.
I know “feel your feelings” can feel a bit vague, and it can be challenging at first when we don’t have a practice of checking in with how we’re feeling. Maybe you have a habit of rushing (at least mentally, if not physically) to the next thing or next ten things you have to do. All this activity might keep you from feeling whatever it is you’re feeling in your body. Or, maybe you’re like me and there’s a substance you use to “take the edge off” which also takes off your ability to check in with your body to see how you’re feeling. Turns out alcohol is an anesthetic. Do you remember how you felt during a surgery? Hopefully not, but if you’re consuming alcohol it’s also disconnecting you from your body. No judgment here, I did this for years.
But what about the question, Josh, have you lost the plot here? No, but thanks for asking. So the internal question for fear (which again includes my overwhelm) is: what do I need to prepare for?
Turns out, as I wrote above, a lot. There are a number of things I need to prepare for. And I can’t do them all in this moment, or even today. So, this morning, I got Elmo (our puppy) to settle into his playpen and I sat down to journal for a bit. I didn’t write anything groundbreaking, but I did write out all those things I need to prepare for. I acknowledged the list and felt the overwhelm—tightness in my chest and stomach, tension in upper back—and then I spiraled a bit and asked ChatGPT how to handle my puppy for a while. I’ve been so focused on staying consistent with training and schedule that it felt a little debilitating. Which seems silly to admit, but here we are.
And sitting with the feeling and bringing some curiosity didn’t make the to-do list go away, but I wrote this post in the time he chilled in his playpen next to me. And this post was one of the things on the to-do list, so it at least helped a bit with that. I didn’t find “the answer” because there isn’t one. I felt the feeling and that was enough of an answer for the moment.
I’ll let you know how the rest of the list goes, I imagine there will be a number of feelings felt before the end.
If you enjoyed this post, tap the heart button and show some love so other folks can find it, or forward it to a friend. Thanks for reading.
Your turn: Do you have a feelings pillow? Are you getting one, now? You can also just download the wheel.
I love your conclusion, which is that sometimes there is not an answer. Sitting with how THAT makes me feel now. 🙂
Feeling the feelings with you love.