About Gone Dry

A bit about my story and what we can do together

What quitting drinking taught me

Have you ever felt you were normal, but through conversation or life experience learned maybe your normal wasn’t quite as normal as you thought? I used to be normal, or so I thought.

Let me guess what brought you here…

You’re beginning to question, or have been questioning alcohol’s role in your life. Maybe you’ve googled “am I an alcoholic?” Or just wondered if a break from booze might do you good. You know you can stop any time, but what’s the point? It’s not a problem for you.

I can’t make you stop drinking or help you moderate your drinking. I’m less interested in this last option. Some folks can have one glass of wine per month and not finish the whole thing and be happy. That was never my journey, and I have a sneaking suspicion if you’re still reading, it’s not your story either.

Maybe you haven’t even talked to anyone around you about your concerns about drinking. Because asking the question to someone else might give you the answer you know you need but can’t bear to imagine. Maybe you’re just tired of dragging on Saturday morning when your kids want to play and you’re desperately trying to re-hydrate and pop a couple painkillers to make it to a little league game.

Let me share what brought me here.

My normal looked like a happily married guy with two young daughters, a good job, who drank. The drinking was to connect and was the mark of a well-adjusted man in America. Think Stanley Tucci mixing his quarantine negroni during early COVID. I was never much of a negroni guy, but I digress.

Drinking was normal, what you did when entertaining customers, how you connected with other guys while watching sports, how you enjoyed a date night out with your partner, or how you relaxed after a hard day at the office.

Somewhere along the way, that fantasy lost its shine and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin.

After a bike accident I now recognize as my rock bottom, I stopped drinking. Now, for the past couple of years I have been doing the work of re-learning who I am and what it means to be a complete human— without the escape hatch that alcohol offers.

Part of this is reconnecting to myself and getting back to what I value; what I want in this life. Things like:

• Connection – don’t we all? I thought I was finding this with booze, but that was a mirage

• Family – kind of obvious from above, but being present for my family is everything to me

• Authenticity – I’m not perfect, and I’m learning to value that imperfection in myself as much as I admire it in others

• Wisdom – I’m a seeker and am constantly looking for those paths that will lead to the deeper well within that unites us all

How I think I can help…. 

Here’s what subscribing to Gone Dry can offer you:

• Community, sounding-board

  • The prospect of not drinking might feel scary and lonely. Join a community of folks who are in your shoes and some further on the alcohol-free journey.

• Outlet and shared space

  • Sometimes you just need somewhere to get a thought out of your head. Chime in the comments or join the community chat. Celebrate wins, share struggles or challenges, let us know what you’re reading or what’s helping keep you sober. Ask questions you’re searching for answers to, we may not have the answer, but we’ll live those questions with you.

• Good company…

  • We might not be in physical proximity, but the great thing about Substack is you can open the app almost anywhere. If you’re having a tough moment or wondering if this journey is still worth it, dive back in to content or the chat and ask for some support or be reminded you’re not alone in this journey.

• “Good AF” Curated resources + tools

  • Monthly list of books, podcasts, music, movies, and who knows what else that are keeping me moving in life and sobriety. Plus, an evergreen post to easily reference and access resources.

I’m committed to staying on this sober/alcohol-free/whatever you want to call it path. I’d love to have you join me. But even if you’re not ready to commit to not drinking, why not hang around for a while? I kicked around the idea of stopping for a while before it actually clicked. You’re welcome here.

Here’s what we can do together

I’m not special. Yes, I drank almost daily near the end of my drinking career, but I didn’t drink all day, and I didn’t lose my job or my family as a result of drinking.

I binge drank watching sports, at the pool, and at the office Christmas party, just like a bunch of other people who were with me in all those places.

I know what it’s like to drink “normally” (and I’m not talking about the guidelines about two standard drinks per day for men) and how a slide into something that isn’t life-giving can happen so quick and so slowly.

If I can stop drinking for over two years now, so can you. But I didn’t do it alone. I leaned on podcasts and books to change my mind about alcohol. I would have loved to have someone who looked like me normalize not drinking when I was wrestling with my own drinking.

So, here we are. You know the basics about me, and I know that you can find a life on the other side of whatever your drinking looks like now.

On the way there: I’m committed to showing up honestly about what life looks like after not drinking and in the early stages. It’s not always easy and it doesn’t always feel good (isn’t this why we drink?), but it is increasingly worth it.

I can’t promise you’ll get shredded or have a six-pack after you cut out all those empty calories (I still don’t), but I can promise a community that is a safe place to question the narrative we hear as guys about alcohol. A place where you can ask the questions you’re too scared to ask your partner or your friends. A place where we can learn to feel the lows again so we can enjoy the highs of life.  

What I remember about being in your shoes…

I remember thinking about stopping drinking and not knowing who to talk to. This is from a note in my iphone:

This was a over six months before I actually stopped drinking. I would have killed to know that I wasn’t alone in this desire to stop drinking the first 40 times I wanted to quit.

I remember that feeling of relief the first time I read an “About Me” page like this in the alcohol-free community. That feeling of connection and a shared experience, a beacon in the universe telling me I wasn’t alone.

If you’re looking for that connection and community you’re welcome here. Click below and join us.